Back in Los Angeles

I'm back for New Year's - it's going to be small this year. No party, just a nice dinner with friends and Dean. Now, one of the friends just called to say his pop's in the hospital, so it might just be Jan, Dean and me. We'll see. I've done a lot this year, I want to keep the end kind of on the small side. Christmas was fine, and so was Mom's birthday. My two favorite pictures are attached. The lighthouse one was taken on Christmas Day on the shores of Lake Michigan in Kenosha. The balloon one was taken at Mom's party as the festivities were winding down. Happy New Year everyone!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

We are off to Chicago-Wisconsin for what might be the shortest holiday trip ever. Dec 24-28. Mom turns 85 on December 27 - we have Xmas Eve, Xmas Day and friends to pack in. We'll do it, somehow. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Good Lord, this is going to be quicker than I thought!

Gahhhhhh! Messed up on my ticket - we come back a day earlier than I thought. This is a bummer on so many levels. Nothing can be done, though. We'll have to make the best of things. It'll be a blur of a trip (see pic - get it?). But at least we'll be there for Xmas and Mom's birthday. We can sleep, I suppose, later.

It's Christmastime - and for some reason, this year, I have the spirit a bit. I put up a tree. Something about this new place seems to support a tree. My neighbor, who has two kids, tricked out our front lawn with reindeer, sleigh, icicle lights, the works. Too funny! I have no idea why Christmas has hit me so much - I only had one show this season - that usually gets me into the spirit. But I am just in a what-the-hell kind of mood about it. We head to Chi-town on the 24th and celebrate Mom's 85th on the 27th. Incredible! More to come, promise!

Settled In - so Mom's coming!

I'm finally settled in. Well...mostly. There *are* some straggly issues, but they won't be resolved before Mom's visit come Saturday. Should be interesting to see what she thinks of the place. Dean's been working like a madman to help me finish this. The remaining projects are just ones that are quite a bit of work and I just don't have the heart to nag him, after all he's done. I think Mom will like it. It's defintely more luxe than my old place. We'll see!

Sadness

I feel a little...ashamed right now. Last night, Dean and I had kind of a tough night. But, this morning I woke up to news that a friend in Chicago (an old acting buddy) just lost one of his *kids* to a horrible train accident in Naperville. Now *that* little nugget will put things into perspective for me. I feel like I should have been more grownup about the stuff that went down last night, fully knowing that true sorrow does exist in the world and in fact can be right around the corner. But what's done is done and now I can only wonder how my dear friend, who always had light and love in his eyes and heart will now proceed with what's left of his life. His wife and remaining son and all of their friends are indeed the beacons of hope, but how can one do this? The kid was only 17. Why was he walking at a train station? How did he manage to be on the tracks when he was hit? I can't stand that stuff like this still happens. But it does. I moved into my place two months ago today and I've been a ball of stress and nerves the whole time - but why? This was not true sorrow, this was sheer anxiety and imaginings. Lesson learned - at least for today, hopefully for longer.

As Promised

A picture of my New York kitchen. The fridge is to the right, out of frame. But that was it. For five people, 15 nights! Very tough. Tim Gunn would have been proud - I made it work!

I'm back.

So, New York: it got easier. After a grueling week of repairmen in and out of the place, things finally settled down. I was still pretty clenched though. I called my friend, who was paying for the whole thing and whose daughter was one of the quads: HOW DO YOU DO THIS? I shouted. She laughed. Now you know what it's like to be a Mom. That clenched feeling? Starts the day you come home from the hospital. You do get used to it, though.

Oy! Well, the second week, I really did end up having some fun. I saw probably one of the best plays I've ever seen, The Book of Mormon. A must-see for anyone.

Now I'm back in LA, and the best thing is: my new place finally feels like home. Don't get me wrong, gentle reader(s - I'm optimistic), I'm nowhere near done. But the boxes are unpacked and after 15 solid days in a small NYC apartment with 4 kids, I felt like I walked through my door into an airport waiting lounge - it felt huge! And it felt good.

It's Tougher Now

Tonight, for the first night since we've been here, I sense a chasm. They are all in one bedroom with the door closed, skyping someone. Who? Eh, it doesn't matter. Me? I've got my own worries. Two blisters that are just killing me. Thank God a friend recommended moleskin. How did I get to be this age and not know what moleskin is? Jeez.

So....after that first grocery store trip, I realized this: The fridge is not working. The FRIDGE is NOT WORKING. I have 400 dollars worth of food in there. Not only that, one of the kids came home the first night and broke the front door lock. How? How did she do this? Fridge guy came, eventually. Back door was broken, that guy came. Bathroom had issues, another guy came. Locksmith came. Then, management company sent THEIR locksmith over, cause it had to be their guy, not the guy listed on the front door. Wish I would have known this before I walked all the way to the East Village Hardware store to get extra keys made for the kids.

So, now, the fridge fixed. The back door fixed. The bathroom fixed. The front door lock - NOT FIXED. You can still just open it right up from the hallway. The lock guy promised to come out. For the first time, a NYC repair guy let me down. Ah, feels like home.

My dinners are being met with...well, polite reviews, not terribly glowing. But I'm doing my best. It's so small this kitchen. It's literally crazy how small it is. I promise to post a picture.

I'm dreading the fourth weekend. I have them all day and night for three days. How will I do this? I'm sort of counting the days already! More grocery shopping today. Endless work, but I knew that going in. My feet are killing me! These repairs are killing me! I just wanted it to be a little easy, not HARDER than my life is in LA, if possible. Yet, unbelievably it is.

There are bright spots - a friend took me to lunch in Chinatown today. I almost wept with gratitude. It was lovely to have someone pick me up, drive me somewhere and treat me to lunch. The little things.

Anyway, I know it'll settle down. The apartment stuff is really working my nerves. Very noisy hallway, lots of comings and goings. What do the upstairs neighbors do all day and night? Sounds like - moving furniture in stiletto heels. Just so bizarre.

I'm still glad I did it. It'll make me kiss the ground I walk on in LA!

Quads

I just gave birth to quads. That's what this feels like. Did I mention that in my old place in Los Angeles, I had what was known as the smallest kitchen in America? Yeah well this one here on the Lower East Side is half that size. HALF! FML, as the saying goes (f**k my life) and it applies here fosho! Went to two grocery stores, a hardware store and two dance stores in Times Square today. Then came home and 1. Baked cookies. 2. Made dinner. 3. Cleaned up dinner. 4. Did laundry. 5. Put everything away. 6. Pretended to fall asleep so the kids would go to bed. 7. Ate earlier cookies like a furtive NYC rat in the dark. 8. Sent an email to the parents asking for more food money. NYC= the city that eats your money!

But you know what? As stressful and financial this whole thing is, I'm happy. Even in the difficult moments, I'm thinking, hey at least you are out of LA and the hell that is unpacking and in a kickass city. The girls here! The guys! The heck with LA, the beautiful people are right outside on my stoop!

Ah, N'Yawk. My only regret is not living here sooner. Feels a little late now. LA has made me soft. The kids already know the subway system. I find myself wishing for a car and better shoes. It's really going to be a lot of work, this, but that's okay. I'm already broke from the move, so what's another coupla…hundred? Bazillion more like it. Off to bed for reals this time!

(pix to come. iphone sez no from phone posting, which this is)

New York Citayyyyy

Holy mother o' Gawd almights, am I really doing this? My boxes are not all unpacked. I have the wrong shelf paper down. There are a ton of things to do in the place. I still don't have a dryer. The ink is barely dry on the lease. Yet incredibly, I'm off to New York City for two weeks to be a chaperone to kids at American Ballet Theatre - one of the kids is the daughter of a dear pal. So off I go. Wish me luck. I'll try and post more while there about what it's like to go from having ZERO children to having suddenly FOUR, one of whom is 22 and technically I'm Not Chaperoning Her, so she can come and go as she pleases. As Lorrie Moore would say, no longer one unworried scrap of happiness. Anyway, we are hitting the ground running as they say, or toe-shoe-ing. As soon as we land tomorrow, the kids want to try and get half price student rush tickets at ABT (where they will be dancing) to see some famous ballerina's last performance of Cinderella. Don't mind me kids, I'll be sleeping during that performance, if I can even get in. Just found out at the parents meeting that one of the children (a boy) is DATING another of the children (a girl). Good Lord. Now I have to play SISTER too, it seems. Keep yer hands to yerself! Both kids, in fact, ALL the kids are lovely. They are ballet driven. Very disciplined. Wish me luck! Signed, Mama Rose, Alice in the Brady Bunch and Barbara Hershey's character in the Black Swan. PS Here's a pic of my patio. Look how the lights from inside reflect on the tree. We hung lanterns, patio lights, chandeliers. It's gonna be amazing!

I'm all in

....moving sucks. More to come. But I'm out of the old place forever. New place, here I come!

I'm not ready

I'm not ready, but tomorrow's the day. I guess I'll get done what I can get done tonight. Last post while living in old digs. It's tough, man! I watered my garden today for the last time and realized that every single plant there, with three exceptions, was planted by me. I knew the origin of everything. My lemon tree has a huge crop! I harvested it. Might as well get some use out of it. My two angel trumpet trees, beautiful! Full bloom! One for Mom and one for Dad. The plant I got from my office 9 years ago. Two plants Dean brought home free from estate sales. Some stuff I planted that used to be houseplants in Chicago. I said goodbye to all of them. Drummer came by last night. He's very unhappy with the turn of events. My neighbor said I could babysit him. That's going to be nice! Tomorrow, we get the truck and start in. Friends are helping. I'm so lucky, I know. It could be so so much worse. When I think of 2000. Buried my Dad, lost my job (had a year's notice, and we got a severance, but still), packed half my stuff and put it into Chicago storage, packed the other half into a U-Haul and off to LA I went. How on earth?? How did I do THAT? I look back and wonder. Of course...that was 10 years ago. How things change in a decade! Don't know if I'd have that in me now. Not only that, I moved out here with no car, no job and no apartment! Not for lack of trying. I'd come out on a recon a few weeks earlier - nothing. I had to store my stuff out here as well while I crashed at a friend's house. Started job/house hunting. The job was easy - but my little house, the one I'm about to leave, was much longer. 6 weeks! In Chicago, you can find an apartment in a weekend. Even this new place-3 months! But back then, all I was doing was apartment hunting. Temping a little, then I found that first job and apartment basically in the same week. Just amazing. It was fall. What will fall be like this year? The sound of the pep rallys at Venice High, the one sound I always associate with moving into my house, will now be a thing of the past. But this was before - before Dean, before my current job, before Late Nite Catechism. It was just Benny and me - now Ben's long gone. Well, life changes. That's about the only thing I know. It'll be a wrench to leave tomorrow but the new place is becoming more and more welcoming. Dean has been working like a dog to make it look beautiful for me. I'm lucky. When things are more settled, I'll post again with pictures. But for now, one last look at Dad's Angel Trumpet tree. Farewell, lovely Tivoli Ave - it's been a great run!

Moving right along

We've gotten a lot done. I wake up feeling like I've been hit with a baseball bat. Had a little scare yesterday, but will elaborate at a later date. I'm working too hard and catastrophizing all over the place: no news there. Thank God for my boyfriend. I've taxed his patience to the limit. Ditto everyone else, really. Big stuff getting moved on Saturday. Hope I'm not at the old place too much longer after that. Saw a great movie last night (boyfriend insisted!) Bridesmaids. Really interesting character played by the lead actress. Loved it. Onward. Must keep packing and moving and moving and moving and moving. Soon it will be over.

So It Begins...

We've already started bringing stuff down to the new place. How on earth will I pack up 10 years and move? Thank God for Dean! I loved the light in the new place yesterday. What will life bring me there?

An Ode to my Little House

So....the big change is....drumroll...I'm moving. Meh, you say. No biggie. People move all the time. Yes, it's true. But this place....ah, my little place. How can I describe it? In a love letter, of course!

Dear House - I love you. I loved you the first minute I saw you. I cried, in fact. I told my landlord, "I think my late father brought me to this place" as I sat in his kitchen and prepared to move in. (He later told my Mom he saw the ghost of my father sitting next to me).

That said, there were problems. But I tried to overcome them one at a time. There were constant challenges, but it always felt like home. The rent was cheap, too, for Los Angeles. It was my first real little stand alone house, a rental, but I made you my own. My little yard. My private-ness, stuck way in the back. I was in everyone's backyard, it seemed. All four corners of the world met in my back yard. The little tree that hangs over my patio - okay, it dripped sticky goo onto every single thing underneath it, but what wonderful shelter from the blazing SoCal sun! (Dear New Place: I already know you are going to be hot and difficult to decorate, FYI. You are charming but I see through you!)

My lovely kitchen that Marc painted and Maripat tiled with those fab Mexican tiles. The different colored walls. The way the windows faced northwest, so I got beautiful light and shadow without the blaze of the sun (I see you, new place, waving to me, direct west sun and all and that pain in the butt sliding glass door that I've already derailed, after only one opening. I never derailed my current sliding glass door once in 10 years). I felt moments of pure happiness just sitting in my living room, looking out.

And...it's not only the only place I've ever lived while in Los Angeles (all that life happened there! 10 years' worth! So many people, some long gone, have seen that place and laughed with me there! I learned FOUR shows here!), it's the longest place I've ever lived in, period. That's right. Since birth, the longest I've ever lived in any one place is right here, where I'm about to leave.

But...it's time to leave. We both know it. I won't miss not having either a dishwasher or a bathtub (Hi new place! But I still can't fit any of my kitchen appliances on those counters! I already know this!). But I will miss knowing that some of my father's and late dog's ashes are right outside at the base of the angel trumpet tree I planted there 10 years ago. (New place - I'm bringing some angel trumpet tree cuttings to my new garden - please be kind and let them take root).

I guess that's the thing I'll leave with - please be kind and take root. That's what I wish for in my new home. Thank God, I have Dean to help me this time. It won't be as hard, physically. Emotionally, well, that's another story for another day. Wish me luck! Oh and don't get me started on having to say goodbye to Drummer, my neighbor's cat. We just won't go there.

Loving the friends and parents of friends.

This picture is also from the Grand Canyon - we stayed in Williams, Arizona at an old brothel. This was hanging out our window when we came into the room. Very funny, and clever. Williams is a great little town, and only about an hour from the Grand Canyon (the reviews for Grand Canyon hotels were so bad I looked nearby).

I'm still waiting to hear about my big change.

A friend's Mom died today. It's so sad, because her Dad just died as well. Both her Mom and her Dad were lovely people, and very kind to me when I was in high school and really struggling to find my way. I wish I could tell the young people I know to not only love their friends but love the parents of their friends as well. After all, we are, all of us, not going to be around forever. Facebook is good for that kind of thing, but I don't want to come off too preachy.

More to come from me!

Grand Canyon

Boy, this year has been tough. And I can't really divulge why yet - I'm in a holding pattern for a big change and can't really get too much into it. Los Angeles is one of those places that is really a petrie dish for this type of thing - unresolved issues, dangling participles, holding patterns, wait and see, try to relax. All the platitudes I just don't do well with. Hey, maybe I'm in the *wrong city* which of course I think about constantly. But what does exist out here is the air of possibilities. It really is possible to change your life at any age out here and no one blinks an eye. Not that you can't change your life elsewhere, but it seems that elsewhere, that's not really a goal. Here, it's almost a daily goal. Anyway, when the going gets tough (and believe me, it has been), I reflect on the Grand Canyon, which we saw for the first time about two months ago. It's hard to describe it, really. It really does look fake. But in a good way. Like Los Angeles! Here's my favorite photo of the trip.

Heading out!

Dean and I are going to the Grand Canyon next week and then Jan and my aunt and I are going to Chicago. Can't wait! I'll post pix of the canyon ASAP. Neither of us have ever been and it's exciting! Kathy you are right, I've been woefully lax. More life issues have cropped up (which I can't share here) but all will resolve! More to come from me!

First!

Well, it's my first post of 2011 and there's not even a picture. Truth be told, so far, 2011 has kind of kicked my ass. Health issues are just now starting to regulate. Life issues, eh, those take a little longer. I miss blogging and often wonder if I could make a living at it. But for now, I'll check in when the mood strikes me.

Remember, the old commercial was right: when you've got your health, you've got everything.