I'm not ready

I'm not ready, but tomorrow's the day. I guess I'll get done what I can get done tonight. Last post while living in old digs. It's tough, man! I watered my garden today for the last time and realized that every single plant there, with three exceptions, was planted by me. I knew the origin of everything. My lemon tree has a huge crop! I harvested it. Might as well get some use out of it. My two angel trumpet trees, beautiful! Full bloom! One for Mom and one for Dad. The plant I got from my office 9 years ago. Two plants Dean brought home free from estate sales. Some stuff I planted that used to be houseplants in Chicago. I said goodbye to all of them. Drummer came by last night. He's very unhappy with the turn of events. My neighbor said I could babysit him. That's going to be nice! Tomorrow, we get the truck and start in. Friends are helping. I'm so lucky, I know. It could be so so much worse. When I think of 2000. Buried my Dad, lost my job (had a year's notice, and we got a severance, but still), packed half my stuff and put it into Chicago storage, packed the other half into a U-Haul and off to LA I went. How on earth?? How did I do THAT? I look back and wonder. Of course...that was 10 years ago. How things change in a decade! Don't know if I'd have that in me now. Not only that, I moved out here with no car, no job and no apartment! Not for lack of trying. I'd come out on a recon a few weeks earlier - nothing. I had to store my stuff out here as well while I crashed at a friend's house. Started job/house hunting. The job was easy - but my little house, the one I'm about to leave, was much longer. 6 weeks! In Chicago, you can find an apartment in a weekend. Even this new place-3 months! But back then, all I was doing was apartment hunting. Temping a little, then I found that first job and apartment basically in the same week. Just amazing. It was fall. What will fall be like this year? The sound of the pep rallys at Venice High, the one sound I always associate with moving into my house, will now be a thing of the past. But this was before - before Dean, before my current job, before Late Nite Catechism. It was just Benny and me - now Ben's long gone. Well, life changes. That's about the only thing I know. It'll be a wrench to leave tomorrow but the new place is becoming more and more welcoming. Dean has been working like a dog to make it look beautiful for me. I'm lucky. When things are more settled, I'll post again with pictures. But for now, one last look at Dad's Angel Trumpet tree. Farewell, lovely Tivoli Ave - it's been a great run!

Moving right along

We've gotten a lot done. I wake up feeling like I've been hit with a baseball bat. Had a little scare yesterday, but will elaborate at a later date. I'm working too hard and catastrophizing all over the place: no news there. Thank God for my boyfriend. I've taxed his patience to the limit. Ditto everyone else, really. Big stuff getting moved on Saturday. Hope I'm not at the old place too much longer after that. Saw a great movie last night (boyfriend insisted!) Bridesmaids. Really interesting character played by the lead actress. Loved it. Onward. Must keep packing and moving and moving and moving and moving. Soon it will be over.

So It Begins...

We've already started bringing stuff down to the new place. How on earth will I pack up 10 years and move? Thank God for Dean! I loved the light in the new place yesterday. What will life bring me there?

An Ode to my Little House

So....the big change is....drumroll...I'm moving. Meh, you say. No biggie. People move all the time. Yes, it's true. But this place....ah, my little place. How can I describe it? In a love letter, of course!

Dear House - I love you. I loved you the first minute I saw you. I cried, in fact. I told my landlord, "I think my late father brought me to this place" as I sat in his kitchen and prepared to move in. (He later told my Mom he saw the ghost of my father sitting next to me).

That said, there were problems. But I tried to overcome them one at a time. There were constant challenges, but it always felt like home. The rent was cheap, too, for Los Angeles. It was my first real little stand alone house, a rental, but I made you my own. My little yard. My private-ness, stuck way in the back. I was in everyone's backyard, it seemed. All four corners of the world met in my back yard. The little tree that hangs over my patio - okay, it dripped sticky goo onto every single thing underneath it, but what wonderful shelter from the blazing SoCal sun! (Dear New Place: I already know you are going to be hot and difficult to decorate, FYI. You are charming but I see through you!)

My lovely kitchen that Marc painted and Maripat tiled with those fab Mexican tiles. The different colored walls. The way the windows faced northwest, so I got beautiful light and shadow without the blaze of the sun (I see you, new place, waving to me, direct west sun and all and that pain in the butt sliding glass door that I've already derailed, after only one opening. I never derailed my current sliding glass door once in 10 years). I felt moments of pure happiness just sitting in my living room, looking out.

And...it's not only the only place I've ever lived while in Los Angeles (all that life happened there! 10 years' worth! So many people, some long gone, have seen that place and laughed with me there! I learned FOUR shows here!), it's the longest place I've ever lived in, period. That's right. Since birth, the longest I've ever lived in any one place is right here, where I'm about to leave.

But...it's time to leave. We both know it. I won't miss not having either a dishwasher or a bathtub (Hi new place! But I still can't fit any of my kitchen appliances on those counters! I already know this!). But I will miss knowing that some of my father's and late dog's ashes are right outside at the base of the angel trumpet tree I planted there 10 years ago. (New place - I'm bringing some angel trumpet tree cuttings to my new garden - please be kind and let them take root).

I guess that's the thing I'll leave with - please be kind and take root. That's what I wish for in my new home. Thank God, I have Dean to help me this time. It won't be as hard, physically. Emotionally, well, that's another story for another day. Wish me luck! Oh and don't get me started on having to say goodbye to Drummer, my neighbor's cat. We just won't go there.

Loving the friends and parents of friends.

This picture is also from the Grand Canyon - we stayed in Williams, Arizona at an old brothel. This was hanging out our window when we came into the room. Very funny, and clever. Williams is a great little town, and only about an hour from the Grand Canyon (the reviews for Grand Canyon hotels were so bad I looked nearby).

I'm still waiting to hear about my big change.

A friend's Mom died today. It's so sad, because her Dad just died as well. Both her Mom and her Dad were lovely people, and very kind to me when I was in high school and really struggling to find my way. I wish I could tell the young people I know to not only love their friends but love the parents of their friends as well. After all, we are, all of us, not going to be around forever. Facebook is good for that kind of thing, but I don't want to come off too preachy.

More to come from me!

Grand Canyon

Boy, this year has been tough. And I can't really divulge why yet - I'm in a holding pattern for a big change and can't really get too much into it. Los Angeles is one of those places that is really a petrie dish for this type of thing - unresolved issues, dangling participles, holding patterns, wait and see, try to relax. All the platitudes I just don't do well with. Hey, maybe I'm in the *wrong city* which of course I think about constantly. But what does exist out here is the air of possibilities. It really is possible to change your life at any age out here and no one blinks an eye. Not that you can't change your life elsewhere, but it seems that elsewhere, that's not really a goal. Here, it's almost a daily goal. Anyway, when the going gets tough (and believe me, it has been), I reflect on the Grand Canyon, which we saw for the first time about two months ago. It's hard to describe it, really. It really does look fake. But in a good way. Like Los Angeles! Here's my favorite photo of the trip.

Heading out!

Dean and I are going to the Grand Canyon next week and then Jan and my aunt and I are going to Chicago. Can't wait! I'll post pix of the canyon ASAP. Neither of us have ever been and it's exciting! Kathy you are right, I've been woefully lax. More life issues have cropped up (which I can't share here) but all will resolve! More to come from me!